My last post was about being different and yes sometimes it can be hard but there are sometimes being different can be a good thing. I different views, experiences and aspirations but that what makes us different and unique. I am happy that I am a Mexican American, first generation college student, and on the path to discovering myself. My family's background has helped me grow to the person I am today and I know will help me for the rest of my life. I guess I didn't realize how much of an influence my heritage had on me until I got to college. My parents came did not just come to this country as immigrants but as dreamers.
I have probably one the most interesting majors anyone can study, American Studies. I basically study the American experience through history, sociology, English, political science, economics, religion and even music. Last fall I took the American Studies class every American Studies student has to take. There was a lot of reading and some days I had to force myself to say awake. Despite my anger toward it at times I have to say that class was an eye opener for me. Our major paper (half our grade or so) was about the American Dream. We can discuss the American Dream from any angle and we had to interview people as part of our paper. I was struggling to find a subtopic for my paper. Then I thought about it! How about write my paper from people who came to this country to achieve the American Dream recently, then the next generation and the next generation. Many stories we read about the American Dream are from those from early America. I have learned that the American Dream lives in everyone, everyone in this country and in each generation.
After writing my paper I learned more about myself and the reason I was here at BYU. I am living the American Dream my grandfather envisioned over 30 years ago. He wanted his children to be educated and if they couldn't at the time then their children. There were more opportunities in this country and my grandfather wanted a better life for his family. My mother and father were not able to attend college but that didn't stop them from raising a family that focused a lot on education. They wanted their children to attend college and have a better life than they did. My parents have worked so hard for my siblings and I to have a comfortable living environment growing up while we prepared ourselves to go out in the world and prepare for our professional lives. I remember growing up my mother always took us to the library.I guess you can say my love of books is because my mother always emphasized reading whether she read to us or we read to her. Besides our academic goals my parents wanted us to be nourished in some other form, music. I was 6 years old when I started piano lessons. I loved it. In 4th grade I started band playing clarinet. In 8th grade I picked up the alto and tenor saxophone in jazz band. In high school I did marching band, wind ensemble, jazz band, pep band and the pit band for the musicals. And you know what my mother went to every singe one of my concerts. I think she was late to one of my concerts in high school. Throughout high school they pushed me to do my best academically and supported in my other extracurriculars. When I said I wanted to go to Oregon State and I was interviewed for a scholarship they took me to OSU even though they wanted me to go to BYU. I ended up at BYU anyways. Although they can't fully financial support me through college they support me in other aspects. They push me to accomplish things and make sure that I have all the support I need. Sometimes when things get tough I have to think of why I'm here at school. Why I'm putting myself through stressful school work, at times loneliness and even lack of sleep. I want to live the dream. My dream. My parents' dream. My grandfather's dream.
I am living the 21st century American Dream. I come from low income family, immigrant parents, and I'm a first generation college student. I'm striving everyday to reach that dream. I want to finish college, start a career and contribute to society. It may change slightly over the years but all I know is that I want to achieve great things. My American Dream may be slightly different than my grandfather's or my parents' but I know that I am on the path to achieve great things. I am so thankful my grandfather brought his family to this country because if he didn't I wouldn't be where I am now. Right now there is so much debate over immigration and undocumented young adults who can't work but have the education to do so. They just want to live the American Dream too. I wish some people would take a step back and look through the eyes of an immigrant, of their children and their families to see what they truly desire. They won't see crime, drugs or failure. They would see ambition, courage, strength and sacrifice. Yes some people come to this country for other reasons. But those who really do seek the American Dream come here with a true purpose. A purpose to not just change their life but their posterity's life.
My grandfather came to this country when things got tough in Mexico and when the spirit prompted him that it was finally time to bring his family to the United States. I interviewed my grandfather last here and he had this to say about the American Dream, "The reason why I came to the United States was
because it is much easier (here) to get an education from a university or
school for the whole world. That’s the main reason that we came here, not for
me but for your mom, her brothers, and everyone. That’s the reason we came to
the United States." I am trying everyday to fulfill not just my American Dream but my grandfather's American Dream. I'm in college. I'm trying hard everyday to accomplish my dream along with his. I just hope that he could be at my college graduation one day and see the fruits of his labor.
Despite of a different era the American Dream is alive in Americans today. It does not have to be 1800s at Ellis Island for the American Dream to enter our country. The dream is here. We all have a dream withing us. My dream and it's purpose may be different than yours but we each have a story. Let me ask you, what is your dream? Are you living your dream? If not when are you going too?
Ever since I could remember I have had the same morning routine. Wake up, do my hair, get dress, eat breakfast and then I am off to school. It has been like that from elementary school up until now in college. I would then go to school. I would learn new things, visit with friends, complete assignments, and overall improve the person I was the day before. Besides my assignments and exceptions there is only one major difference now, I am sometimes the only minority in my class. Growing up in Southern California I was surrounded by Hispanics. My classes in elementary school had many ESL students which I was part of at one point. Technically English is my second language but I don't even speak Spanish much now or when I was in grade school. When there were parties in school parents would bring Mexican candy and other goodies. It wasn't rare to hear Mexican music on a Saturday night down the street. More than half the playground would be yelling in Spanish as they played on then slides and swings. I remember many kids talking about Lent and Catholic services which I thought was weird. I only knew Mormonism at that point in my life but I knew other people were different. The majority of my peers had parents who were immigrants like my parents although some of them did not know much English.
When I moved to Oregon I didn't see much of difference because I lived in the part of town where there were a lot of Hispanics. I remember when I was middle school there was talk in the hallways about missing school and going downtown to the capital to protest granting undocumented people licenses. When May 1st came around the school bus was empty. There were probably three or four white kids and then me. When high school came around I joined the crowd of the most Hispanic populated school. Caucasians were the minority while Hispanics where the majority. Although at this point in my life my circle of friends mostly included kids from church and band I still felt included in the McKay community because everyone else around me was Hispanic. My AP and honor courses had half and half of students. Many of my peers were first generation college students like me and were going to depend on scholarships in college because our parents were not able to afford our high education.
Then I came to Utah. Besides the Mormon culture shock, which is very present here, I saw a minority shock. I guess I should have been expecting it more since the previous year I was being told at SOAR that being a minority at BYU is very different. (14% of the student population are minorities It sure was different than from Salem. I sometimes was the only "brown" person in my class. I came across people who had very strong opinions about illegal immigration who would then tell me why and then I just wanted to slap them in the face because they didn't understand anything. When I took a sociology class dealing with multicultural America I saw many people who thought immigrants were ruining our country especially Hispanics because of this or that. Thankfully I had a very good teacher who taught both sides of the argument so we could be educated in both point of views. Then when the presidential election occurred the following year I was stared and looked at more because I would walk into class with my Obama 2012 button on my backpack or I will pull out my laptop with my Women for Obama sticker. I had many people ask me if I was just a democrat due to my opinion oon immigration which I felt was very rude because they basically said "are you a democrat because you're brown." Yes my opinion of immigration is part of my liberal view but it's not a reason why I consider myself on the left side of the political spectrum. Although I will be honest Romney saying he would not sign the Dream Act if he were to become president was when I finally decided I would not vote for him.
The semester started this week and I sat in class as my peers walked in and I began to notice everyone walking in was white. I was feeling nervous for some reason like I stuck out which I did especially since I got really tan from band camp. In many of my classes I am the only brown one. I don't hear Spanish like I use to in elementary. I am now part of the minority rather than the majority. Many people have even assumed I was from Mexico due to the color of my skin.
I have people who have told me I need to go back to my roots and be more Mexican. But I have other people who told me that I'm not even Mexican but that I'm white. At one point I began to question who am I? It wasn't an identity question on a spiritual level. I have already been through that but I began to question who am I within the student population. On many forms I have filled out there are two questions: If I consider myself Hispanic and what race describes me. I answer yes to considering myself as Hispanic but the only option I can fill out for race is white. So who am I? I'm Mexican American. My family is from Mexico. I come from Mexican and Spanish speaking home. My parents kept many traditions from their country but have adapted many American customs. I celebrate Thanksgiving but I celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve like other Mexicans. I don't have pioneer history coming across the trek. I have family's church history started in Mexico which then came to the United States less than 40 years ago. I still talk to my parents about their experiences of being part of a very small LDS group in Mexico. I have ancestors from Spain, Mexico and even Germany (still need to confirm that fully). I have thick brown hair and wide hips. I can understand Spanish and I like to eat spicy food. I will watch a movie in Spanish if it's playing. I look forward to Christmas because I don't only get to eat tamales but I get to make them with my family. My favorite birthday tradition is pinatas which I will have for my children. I have brown skin that is darker than my peers. So who am I? I am a Mexican American.
