Being the Brown Girl

Ever since I could remember I have had the same morning routine. Wake up, do my hair, get dress, eat breakfast and then I am off to school. It has been like that from elementary school up until now in college. I would then go to school. I would learn new things, visit with friends, complete assignments, and overall improve the person I was the day before. Besides my assignments and exceptions there is only one major difference now, I am sometimes the only minority in my class. Growing up in Southern California I was surrounded by Hispanics. My classes in elementary school had many ESL students which I was part of at one point. Technically English is my second language but I don't even speak Spanish much now or when I was in grade school. When there were parties in school parents would bring Mexican candy and other goodies. It wasn't rare to hear Mexican music on a Saturday night down the street. More than half the playground would be yelling in Spanish as they played on then slides and swings. I remember many kids talking about Lent and Catholic services which I thought was weird. I only knew Mormonism at that point in my life but I knew other people were different. The majority of my peers had parents who were immigrants like my parents although some of them did not know much English.  

When I moved to Oregon I didn't see much of difference because I lived in the part of town where there were a lot of Hispanics. I remember when I was middle school there was talk in the hallways about missing school and going downtown to the capital to protest granting undocumented people licenses. When May 1st came around the school bus was empty. There were probably three or four white kids and then me. When high school came around I joined the crowd of the most Hispanic populated school. Caucasians were the minority while Hispanics where the majority. Although at this point in my life my circle of friends mostly included kids from church and band I still felt included in the McKay community because everyone else around me was Hispanic. My AP and honor courses had half and half of students. Many of my peers were first generation college students like me and were going to depend on scholarships in college because our parents were not able to afford our high education.  

Then I came to Utah. Besides the Mormon culture shock, which is very present here, I saw a minority shock. I guess I should have been expecting it more since the previous year I was being told at SOAR that being a minority at BYU is very different. (14% of the student population are minorities  It sure was different than from Salem. I sometimes was the only "brown" person in my class. I came across people who had very strong opinions about illegal immigration who would then tell me why and then I just wanted to slap them in the face because they didn't understand anything. When I took a sociology class dealing with multicultural America I saw many people who thought immigrants were ruining our country especially Hispanics because of this or that. Thankfully I had a very good teacher who taught both sides of the argument so we could be educated in both point of views. Then when the presidential election occurred the following year I was stared and looked at more because I would walk into class with my Obama 2012 button on my backpack or I will pull out my laptop with my Women for Obama sticker. I had many people ask me if I was just a  democrat due to my opinion oon immigration which I felt was very rude because they basically said "are you a democrat because you're brown." Yes my opinion of immigration is part of my liberal view but it's not a reason why I consider myself on the left side of the political spectrum. Although I will be honest Romney saying he would not sign the Dream Act  if he were to become president was when I finally decided I would not vote for him. 

The semester started this week and I sat in class as my peers walked in and I began to notice everyone walking in was white. I was feeling nervous for some reason like I stuck out which I did especially since I got really tan from band camp. In many of my classes I am the only brown one. I don't hear Spanish like I use to in elementary. I am now part of the minority rather than the majority. Many people have even assumed I was from Mexico due to the color of my skin. 

I have people who have told me I need to go back to my roots and be more Mexican. But I have other people who told me that I'm not even Mexican but that I'm white. At one point I began to question who am I? It wasn't an identity question on a spiritual level. I have already been through that but I began to question who am I within the student population. On many forms I have filled out there are two questions: If I consider myself Hispanic and what race describes me. I answer yes to considering myself as Hispanic but the only option I can fill out for race is white. So who am I? I'm Mexican American. My family is from Mexico. I come from Mexican and Spanish speaking home. My parents kept many traditions from their country but have adapted many American customs. I celebrate Thanksgiving but I celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve like other Mexicans. I don't have pioneer history coming across the trek. I have family's church history started in Mexico which then came to the United States less than 40 years ago. I still talk to my parents about their experiences of being part of a very small LDS group in Mexico. I have ancestors from Spain, Mexico and even Germany (still need to confirm that fully). I have thick brown hair and wide hips. I can understand Spanish and I like to eat spicy food. I will watch a movie in Spanish if it's playing. I look forward to Christmas because I don't only get to eat tamales but I get to make them with my family. My favorite birthday tradition is pinatas which I will have for my children. I have brown skin that is darker than my peers. So who am I? I am a  Mexican American.