Two Years? Almost.

In about a couple of weeks it would have been two years since I graduated high school. In August it would have been two years since I moved to Utah and started college. In October  it would be two years since I learned the reality but ignored it for months. 

Two years ago I wrote in my journal and how I felt, "I’m scared like I have never been in my life. This fear isn't because it’s dark or it’s a huge spider but because I’m growing up and I have to leave. Don’t get me wrong I want to go to college and get a higher education but there’s a part of me that doesn't want me to leave." As I look back I was scared when I got here. I wrote in September 2011, "Well I’m at college. It’s weird to say that out loud or to write it down. I am in college Me, Celia Rivera, attends college. Everything has been happening so fast. To be honest it’s a bit scary how fast it has been going by. I mean three months ago I was in high school, living at home and surrounded by people I have known for a while. Now I am living in a different state, with people who I have never met before and going to a top private religious university." Oh what a scared freshman I was but I had nothing to worry about. I was prepared well enough to get through two years. Now who knows how many more years I have left here but I have new fears. As time goes on I see my old fears as lame and dumb. More like "really Celia, really?" I'm probably going to say the same thing about how I'm feeling now 5 years from now. 

The move to Utah brought about many changes. I had to learn without my parents, manage my own money, and make my own decisions. One of the biggest decision I had to do was letting go of someone in my life. For months I struggled with the the decision and the possible consequences. I thought I knew the world at 18 years old but I didn't. Heck I still don't know anything and I'm almost 20 (wow I'm almost 20, let me ponder that for a minute.....) I should have realized I was having a person in my life who was not pushing me to complete my life goals but that was due to the fact we didn't view things in the same way. I don't want to speak ill of him because he wasn't a bad person at all. I learned a lot from him but he wasn't helping me pursue my goals. Letting him go was probably the hardest thing during my first year of college but it was my smartest decision. Of course I didn't know it then but now as I see the consequences of my decision I am pleased with my choice. Sometimes we just have to have a little faith. 

What else have these two years taught? Life isn't always going to be easy. There are going to be road blocks at times. We are always going to have challenges big and small. I have learned a lot about life and about myself these past two years. I'm not a completely different person but I have changed since that high school senior. One thing that has changed has been my way to approach my goals. I guess at the time I didn't think my goals mattered that much because it would be a "long" before I accomplished them. But I had a wake up call. It's time to act now for those goals. I have two more years (more or less) of school left. Marriage is one of my goals which would happen eventually but I have to prepare spiritually and mentally now. It's never to early to prepare for what's coming life even if I don't know what's coming. Does that make sense?

Next week I'm going to attend my little sister's high school graduation. I can't believe she is going to finish high school. I remember when she was a freshman and I was a junior. Time has really flown by. She is going to be entering a new chapter in her life. I just hope she is ready for what's coming. College life is hard at times. Being away from family is probably the hardest. Feeling alone on a college campus is the scariest thing I have experienced. I hope she can overcome those challenges awaiting her.

These past two years have gone by so fast. A lot has happened, good and bad. I am waiting for more years to come by and new experiences to occur.