The Art of Makeup

I posted this picture about two weeks ago...

People on Facebook began to freak out. Asking me what happened to me. I was sitting at my computer laughing. Everyone thought it was real which is exactly what I was going for. Although people probably thought my friend who posted "YESSSSSS...love it!" was crazy but I saw it as a compliment. I walked around campus looking beat up and my peers were just staring I guess in shock and confusion. In one of my classes this girl came up to me saying, "Oh my gosh what happened to you!! Are you okay?!?!?!? Does it hurt!!!!". I started laughing and she looked confused until I told her it was makeup. I walked home like this and finally decided to take it off....

 

I had to use floss to take off the putty. And there you go! I clean, happy, not beat up face! For that day my assignment in my theater makeup class we had to do three different injuries. Some girls in my class did a bullet hole, open wounds, burns, an iron burn (very creative) and other injuries. It was probably my favorite day so far in makeup class. I was very pleased with my nose. During the practice day my nose would not form. I kept having trouble with it and wanted to give up but I was determined to make a "wonderful" broken nose. Graded day finally came and my nose took the longest. I struggled at the beginning but I was able to create a really "good" broken nose. It was hard also after I formed it because the putty was much lighter than my skin tone, hence all the red I put around it. The cut on the nose was something extra the TA suggested which made it more realistic. My teacher was very impressed with my nose and I received a very good score on my assignment. I then walked around campus showing off my "art".  

Some of my lovely tools. It's quiet amazing what you can do with makeup besides your everyday glam looks. I am definitely happy that I took this makeup class. Learning life skills for sure.

The following week it was HALLOWEEN! Perfect timing to use my new skills. I decided to go for a "zombie" look. It was more like using different techniques that were fun to do. I then created this....

One thing I did different was use liquid latex and tissues to create texture on my face. At first I was scared to use liquid latex. In class we used it to create wrinkles and we aged ourselves about 10 years (it was freaky). I got the hand of it and started to have fun with it. I didn't go the whole day with this look because I didn't want to show up to class with a torn up face. But I did go to marching band practice looking wonderful. On the drive there whenever I was at a red light people in the car over and stared and I stared back. I guess I was just that good looking that day. 

After marching band practice a friend wanted me to do his makeup similar to mine. I only had less than 30 minutes!! I rushed home got my "station" ready. I usually give myself at least an hour because I like to take my time but I think it turned out pretty good. You be the judge.

He was a dancing zombie!

Although it was been fun playing with putty and liquid latex and making myself look creepy I think I will stick to my everyday makeup. If I want to experiment I will do a bright lip or change up my eye shadow but not give myself a black eye or broken nose. 

I'm really stoked for my next assignment! Let's just say I will be celebrating Dia de los Muertos a little late this year...

The Dream of a Daughter of Immigrants

My last post was about being different and yes sometimes it can be hard but there are sometimes being different can be a good thing. I different views, experiences and aspirations but that what makes us different and unique. I am happy that I am a Mexican American, first generation college student, and on the path to discovering myself. My family's background has helped me grow to the person I am today and I know will help me for the rest of my life. I guess I didn't realize how much of an influence my heritage had on me until I got to college. My parents came did not just come to this country as immigrants but as dreamers.     

I have probably one the most interesting majors anyone can study, American Studies. I basically study the American experience through history, sociology, English, political science, economics, religion and even music. Last fall I took the American Studies class every American Studies student has to take. There was a lot of reading and some days I had to force myself to say awake. Despite my anger toward it at times I have to say that class was an eye opener for me. Our major paper (half our grade or so) was about the American Dream. We can discuss the American Dream from any angle and we had to interview people as part of our paper. I was struggling to find a subtopic for my paper. Then I thought about it! How about write my paper from people who came to this country to achieve the American Dream recently, then the next generation and the next generation. Many stories we read about the American Dream are from those from early America. I have learned that the American Dream lives in everyone, everyone in this country and in each generation. 

After writing my paper I learned more about myself and the reason I was here at BYU. I am living the American Dream my grandfather envisioned over 30 years ago. He wanted his children to be educated and if they couldn't at the time then their children. There were more opportunities in this country and my grandfather wanted a better life for his family. My mother and father were not able to attend college but that didn't stop them from raising a family that focused a lot on education. They wanted their children to attend college and have a better life than they did. My parents have worked so hard for my siblings and I to have a comfortable living environment growing up while we prepared ourselves to go out in the world and prepare for our professional lives. I remember growing up my mother always took us to the library.I guess you can say my love of books is because my mother always emphasized reading whether she read to us or we read to her. Besides our academic goals my parents wanted us to be nourished in some other form, music. I was 6 years old when I started piano lessons. I loved it. In 4th grade I started band playing clarinet. In 8th grade I picked up the alto and tenor saxophone in jazz band. In high school I did marching band, wind ensemble, jazz band, pep band and the pit band for the musicals. And you know what my mother went to every singe one of my concerts. I think she was late to one of my concerts in high school. Throughout high school they pushed me to do my best academically and supported in my other extracurriculars.  When I said I wanted to go to Oregon State and I was interviewed for a scholarship they took me to OSU even though they wanted me to go to BYU. I ended up at BYU anyways. Although they can't fully financial support me through college they support me in other aspects. They push me to accomplish things and make sure that I have all the support I need. Sometimes when things get tough I have to think of why I'm here at school. Why I'm putting myself through stressful school work, at times loneliness and even lack of sleep. I want to live the dream. My dream. My parents' dream. My grandfather's dream.

I am living the 21st century American Dream. I come from low income family, immigrant parents, and I'm a first generation college student. I'm striving everyday to reach that dream. I want to finish college, start a career and contribute to society. It may change slightly over the years but all I know is that I want to achieve great things. My American Dream may be slightly different than my grandfather's or my parents' but I know that I am on the path to achieve great things. I am so thankful my grandfather brought his family to this country because if he didn't I wouldn't be where I am now. Right now there is so much debate over immigration and undocumented young adults who can't work but have the education to do so. They just want to live the American Dream too. I wish some people would take a step back and look through the eyes of an immigrant, of their children and their families to see what they truly desire. They won't see crime, drugs or failure. They would see ambition, courage, strength and sacrifice.  Yes some people come to this country for other reasons. But those who really do seek the American Dream come here with a true purpose. A purpose to not just change their life but their posterity's life. 

My grandfather came to this country when things got tough in Mexico and when the spirit prompted him that it was finally time to bring his family to the United States. I interviewed my grandfather last here and he had this to say about the American Dream, "The reason why I came to the United States was because it is much easier (here) to get an education from a university or school for the whole world. That’s the main reason that we came here, not for me but for your mom, her brothers, and everyone. That’s the reason we came to the United States." I am trying everyday to fulfill not just my American Dream but my grandfather's American Dream. I'm in college. I'm trying hard everyday to accomplish my dream along with his. I just hope that he could be at my college graduation one day and see the fruits of his labor. 

Despite of a different era the American Dream is alive in Americans today. It does not have to be 1800s at Ellis Island for the American Dream to enter our country. The dream is here. We all have a dream withing us. My dream and it's purpose may be different than yours but we each have a story. Let me ask you, what is your dream? Are you living your dream? If not when are you going too?      

Being the Brown Girl

Ever since I could remember I have had the same morning routine. Wake up, do my hair, get dress, eat breakfast and then I am off to school. It has been like that from elementary school up until now in college. I would then go to school. I would learn new things, visit with friends, complete assignments, and overall improve the person I was the day before. Besides my assignments and exceptions there is only one major difference now, I am sometimes the only minority in my class. Growing up in Southern California I was surrounded by Hispanics. My classes in elementary school had many ESL students which I was part of at one point. Technically English is my second language but I don't even speak Spanish much now or when I was in grade school. When there were parties in school parents would bring Mexican candy and other goodies. It wasn't rare to hear Mexican music on a Saturday night down the street. More than half the playground would be yelling in Spanish as they played on then slides and swings. I remember many kids talking about Lent and Catholic services which I thought was weird. I only knew Mormonism at that point in my life but I knew other people were different. The majority of my peers had parents who were immigrants like my parents although some of them did not know much English.  

When I moved to Oregon I didn't see much of difference because I lived in the part of town where there were a lot of Hispanics. I remember when I was middle school there was talk in the hallways about missing school and going downtown to the capital to protest granting undocumented people licenses. When May 1st came around the school bus was empty. There were probably three or four white kids and then me. When high school came around I joined the crowd of the most Hispanic populated school. Caucasians were the minority while Hispanics where the majority. Although at this point in my life my circle of friends mostly included kids from church and band I still felt included in the McKay community because everyone else around me was Hispanic. My AP and honor courses had half and half of students. Many of my peers were first generation college students like me and were going to depend on scholarships in college because our parents were not able to afford our high education.  

Then I came to Utah. Besides the Mormon culture shock, which is very present here, I saw a minority shock. I guess I should have been expecting it more since the previous year I was being told at SOAR that being a minority at BYU is very different. (14% of the student population are minorities  It sure was different than from Salem. I sometimes was the only "brown" person in my class. I came across people who had very strong opinions about illegal immigration who would then tell me why and then I just wanted to slap them in the face because they didn't understand anything. When I took a sociology class dealing with multicultural America I saw many people who thought immigrants were ruining our country especially Hispanics because of this or that. Thankfully I had a very good teacher who taught both sides of the argument so we could be educated in both point of views. Then when the presidential election occurred the following year I was stared and looked at more because I would walk into class with my Obama 2012 button on my backpack or I will pull out my laptop with my Women for Obama sticker. I had many people ask me if I was just a  democrat due to my opinion oon immigration which I felt was very rude because they basically said "are you a democrat because you're brown." Yes my opinion of immigration is part of my liberal view but it's not a reason why I consider myself on the left side of the political spectrum. Although I will be honest Romney saying he would not sign the Dream Act  if he were to become president was when I finally decided I would not vote for him. 

The semester started this week and I sat in class as my peers walked in and I began to notice everyone walking in was white. I was feeling nervous for some reason like I stuck out which I did especially since I got really tan from band camp. In many of my classes I am the only brown one. I don't hear Spanish like I use to in elementary. I am now part of the minority rather than the majority. Many people have even assumed I was from Mexico due to the color of my skin. 

I have people who have told me I need to go back to my roots and be more Mexican. But I have other people who told me that I'm not even Mexican but that I'm white. At one point I began to question who am I? It wasn't an identity question on a spiritual level. I have already been through that but I began to question who am I within the student population. On many forms I have filled out there are two questions: If I consider myself Hispanic and what race describes me. I answer yes to considering myself as Hispanic but the only option I can fill out for race is white. So who am I? I'm Mexican American. My family is from Mexico. I come from Mexican and Spanish speaking home. My parents kept many traditions from their country but have adapted many American customs. I celebrate Thanksgiving but I celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve like other Mexicans. I don't have pioneer history coming across the trek. I have family's church history started in Mexico which then came to the United States less than 40 years ago. I still talk to my parents about their experiences of being part of a very small LDS group in Mexico. I have ancestors from Spain, Mexico and even Germany (still need to confirm that fully). I have thick brown hair and wide hips. I can understand Spanish and I like to eat spicy food. I will watch a movie in Spanish if it's playing. I look forward to Christmas because I don't only get to eat tamales but I get to make them with my family. My favorite birthday tradition is pinatas which I will have for my children. I have brown skin that is darker than my peers. So who am I? I am a  Mexican American. 

      

"born of goodly parents..."

I have challenged myself to read the Book of Mormon once through before the start of the fall semester. It's going to be a lot of reading but I know I can do it. As I read the Book of Mormon over and over again I read things, understand things, and have reveled things unto me that I have not seen before. It's amazing how the Spirit works when you're in tune. 

As I began reading I was stuck on the first verse, 1 Nephi 1:1 which reads " I, Nephi, having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father; and having seen many afflictions in the course of my days, nevertheless, having been highly favored of the Lord in all my days; yea, having had a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God, therefore I make a record of my proceedings in my days."

I read it again but the beginning went like this, "I, [Celia], having been born of goodly parents, there I was taight somewhat in all the learning of my [parents]". Now "goodly" can mean wealth and Nephi did come from a well off home but I read it more than just material wealth. I read the word "goodly" as richness of the gospel. I began to reflect upon my own life as a daughter of my parents, of my parents faith and sacrifice, and of the person I have become and striving to become due to my parents teachings. My faith began with my parents. They taught me what faith was before anything else. You can say my testimony of the gospel began with their teachings. It began in the home. My parents have taught me many things that have kept me going through the years.

One thing they have taught me was the power of prayer. Ever since I could remember we had family prayer every night kneeling around their bed. Every night we took turns saying the prayer. We all basically said the same things, we said thanks for the day and asked to watch over each family member. Now that I am far from home and don't have family prayer I make sure to include those basic things in my prayers. I always ask Heavenly Father to watch over my family. I guess you can say I do out of habit but it's something I sincerely mean. 

Another things my parents have taught me has been in times of trial and hardships the best thing to do is turn to the Lord. My parents have had their fair share of trials over the years, big and small. Although I may have not understood them at the time I knew my parents faced them with faith in the Lord. As I look back I see how their actions reflected on their trust in the Lord. During this past school year I had to look back on my parents' example of their faith and trust in the Lord and I continue to follow their example. Times will become harder but I know putting my trust in the Lord everything will turn out to be okay.

Even though I'm not living at home I still look toward my parents' teachings to get through this crazy/hard/insane/interesting/random/fun life. All they have taught me has never gone to waste or wasn't something I needed. Far from home they still teach me. I will never stop learning from my parents. 

 

Some Go Young

Recently a fellow peer of mine passed away. He was hiking the Y mountain and had a tragic accident. He was only 22 years old. We were both members of the Cougar Marching Band. Despite not being in the same section and only being members of the same band it still saddens me. The marching band is a family to me away from my family while I am in Utah so something likes this really hits me. I remember him always smiling and enjoying each moment in the band. He will surely will be missed by all in the band.  

His death brought back memories and struggles I have had with death especially with the death of young people I have known. The first time I had to face the death of someone was when I was 7 years old. I remember it clearly when my mother told me my older cousin passed away. He was only 17 years old, one week away from high school graduation. I asked my mother why he died so young. At this point in my life I thought only old people died. Her response was something along the lines of "because God needed him in Heaven more than we did." For a 7 year old it helped me understand there were things to be done in Heaven after one had passed away. At that point in my life I didn't fully understand what happened after death but my mother's answer would be something I would and will refer to in the years to come.

Many young people have died, young people who wouldn't get to experience many of life experiences. When I was 15 years I had to deal with this again. Someone who I grew up in primary passed away and he as well was only 17 years old. At this point I felt anger toward God because He let someone so young die without experiencing so many things in life. I was wondering why he would let this young man along with other youth and children who die so young. I began to question this a lot. I went back to the answer my mother gave me years before, "because God needed [them] in Heaven more than we did." Sometimes we don't know what God has in store for each one of yes. He has a bigger plan that we can't understand. He doesn't forget about any of His children. The Plan of Salvation exists for all. No one is lost after death, no matter how long they live during this mortal state. The blessings of the Gospel gives one hope and a peace of mind.  

Yes at first I was feeling, "why God, why?" But I remembered what my mother told me, "because God needed him in Heaven more than we did." My prayers go out to his family. He is playing the French horn in Heaven for all to hear and preaching the Word of God to many.  

"Now, concerning the state of the soul between death and the resurrection—Behold, it has been made known unto me by an angel, that the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body, yea, the spirits of all men, whether they be good or evil, are taken home to that God who gave them life.

And then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of  happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow." Alma 40:11-12 

Two Years? Almost.

In about a couple of weeks it would have been two years since I graduated high school. In August it would have been two years since I moved to Utah and started college. In October  it would be two years since I learned the reality but ignored it for months. 

Two years ago I wrote in my journal and how I felt, "I’m scared like I have never been in my life. This fear isn't because it’s dark or it’s a huge spider but because I’m growing up and I have to leave. Don’t get me wrong I want to go to college and get a higher education but there’s a part of me that doesn't want me to leave." As I look back I was scared when I got here. I wrote in September 2011, "Well I’m at college. It’s weird to say that out loud or to write it down. I am in college Me, Celia Rivera, attends college. Everything has been happening so fast. To be honest it’s a bit scary how fast it has been going by. I mean three months ago I was in high school, living at home and surrounded by people I have known for a while. Now I am living in a different state, with people who I have never met before and going to a top private religious university." Oh what a scared freshman I was but I had nothing to worry about. I was prepared well enough to get through two years. Now who knows how many more years I have left here but I have new fears. As time goes on I see my old fears as lame and dumb. More like "really Celia, really?" I'm probably going to say the same thing about how I'm feeling now 5 years from now. 

The move to Utah brought about many changes. I had to learn without my parents, manage my own money, and make my own decisions. One of the biggest decision I had to do was letting go of someone in my life. For months I struggled with the the decision and the possible consequences. I thought I knew the world at 18 years old but I didn't. Heck I still don't know anything and I'm almost 20 (wow I'm almost 20, let me ponder that for a minute.....) I should have realized I was having a person in my life who was not pushing me to complete my life goals but that was due to the fact we didn't view things in the same way. I don't want to speak ill of him because he wasn't a bad person at all. I learned a lot from him but he wasn't helping me pursue my goals. Letting him go was probably the hardest thing during my first year of college but it was my smartest decision. Of course I didn't know it then but now as I see the consequences of my decision I am pleased with my choice. Sometimes we just have to have a little faith. 

What else have these two years taught? Life isn't always going to be easy. There are going to be road blocks at times. We are always going to have challenges big and small. I have learned a lot about life and about myself these past two years. I'm not a completely different person but I have changed since that high school senior. One thing that has changed has been my way to approach my goals. I guess at the time I didn't think my goals mattered that much because it would be a "long" before I accomplished them. But I had a wake up call. It's time to act now for those goals. I have two more years (more or less) of school left. Marriage is one of my goals which would happen eventually but I have to prepare spiritually and mentally now. It's never to early to prepare for what's coming life even if I don't know what's coming. Does that make sense?

Next week I'm going to attend my little sister's high school graduation. I can't believe she is going to finish high school. I remember when she was a freshman and I was a junior. Time has really flown by. She is going to be entering a new chapter in her life. I just hope she is ready for what's coming. College life is hard at times. Being away from family is probably the hardest. Feeling alone on a college campus is the scariest thing I have experienced. I hope she can overcome those challenges awaiting her.

These past two years have gone by so fast. A lot has happened, good and bad. I am waiting for more years to come by and new experiences to occur. 

How About We Just Love Everyone

In recent weeks the semester end. I moved to a new apartment. Started working more hours every week. Got a second "mini" job. Had my carpet replaced. And now I am back to discussing my life on the internet. I am determined to blog more this summer. Maybe something exciting will happen this summer but I highly doubt it. 

I heard a song on the radio a while back that really caught my attention. Not because of the catchy beat but what was being said. Macklemore along with Mary Lambert said exactly what I have been feeling in the song "Same Love."

We live in a world today where discrimination happens. People get hurt because of words people say. Sadly there is violence involved too. I wish we could just live in a world where everyone can have the same rights. Despite race, color, sexual orientation, and gender. I have experienced discrimination and rude comments due to my skin color and I don't want anyone else to feel that way. I'm going to be honest I was one of those people back in high school to say "that's so gay." Surprisingly when I am came to BYU I realized how much that could hurt others. I realized despite how you love you're a person, a person that deserves the same rights as everyone else. I think people deserve to love who they want. 


Recently the Boy Scouts of America lifted their ban on openly gay boys. Let me tell you I am happy that youth boys will all be given the same opportunity if they desire to participate in the organization. No one should be turned away because of who they are in the inside. This is one step closer to being fair to all. 

"Love is patient. Love is kind."

Update of da life

Currently I am in stress mode. Finals are currently happening. I'm moving in three days. I am going to work more hours after Wednesday. I have a job interview next week. Oh and I'm planning a trip that's happening in three weeks. It's crazy right now. I just want to scream and look away. Two more days. Two more days. I'm going to be in school mode. Adios life. 

In Response to Yesterdays Incident

Yesterday the city of Boston was shaken up by bombings at the Boston City Marathon. How did I find out about? Facebook and Twitter began to fill up with thoughts, concerns and prayers for the victims and families. My first reaction was "how could there be such evil in our world" which many of you thought. But then I began to read about those who responded to the tragic incident by volunteering themselves to carry victims, offering their homes to those who couldn't go back to their hotel, their businesses to offer a place of comfort and refuge and those runners who finished the race and continued to run to the hospital to donate blood. Then I thought to myself "there are still good people in world today." I wish people would use their hands and mind to do good rather than to hurt others. In less than a year many people have been affected tragically due to someone else's action which includes the shooting in Aurora and Newtown. Now this? Those runners, bystanders and others at the marathon were there to enjoy a race, watch their love ones, and just enjoying a day in the city of Boston. They shouldn't have been hurt such a manner. I hope they catch the person or people involved in this so justice could be brought to the victims and their families. At the same time remember there are still a lot go good people in our world today. Hopefully we surround ourselves with them. Lets keep the people of Boston in our prayers and thoughts.   

Are you pushing your handcart?

I should be finishing my essay but the Spirit is so strong that I can't ignore it. Today in my Sociology of the LDS Church class we discussed the Church in regards with media and film. We watched the following clip.

I usually do not like to show my emotions in public. I will cry in front of certain people but at this point I did not care. As I watched this I couldn't help but cry. It's one of those video that really gets to you. The words of the hymn "Come, Come, Ye Saints" speak so powerfully and when it's combined with a depiction of the Saints the words just become alive. The early Saints had to go through so much when they crossed the plains into a land they did not know much of. The faith they must have had is a testimony in itself. They crossed in the cold freezing winter, in the heat with at times little food and water. They crossed the plains to worship freely and live the gospel freely. We have so much to thank for those Saints. Without them we wouldn't be here today with the gospel, with so many faithful missionaries and many temples where we can receive so many blessings.

I am just going to be honest, it would have been hard for me to have the faith as those Saints did. Am I ashamed of it? No. Each one of us is brought to this earth at a certain time because our Heavenly Father knows we can endure the trails of the time. I know He put me on this earth at this time for a reason. He knew I was strong enough to get through this life right now. I just have to realize for myself that I am strong enough. I may not have to push a handcart of all my possessions across the plains but I do have to push a handcart of my faith through this tempting time in our world. I feel as though I was sent here right now to face all the worldly things going on from drugs, immortality, and other things that do not meet the gospel values. It's a hard time to live in the world being surrounded by so many temptations  But if those Saints came push through a cold river in the middle of winter I can push through a street filled with immoral things.

Times are going to get worse. The thought that my children would be probably see more horrible things than I did growing up scares me. It truly scares me but I know if I prepare myself to teach them to push their own handcart through it all they can protect their faith. Yes I know that won't be for a long time until I have children but the time is now to prepare.  I have made choices in my life to make sure me children and their children will have the gospel in their lives. Some of those choices included leaving people behind who didn't help me push my handcart. About a year ago I decided I needed to prepare myself for the time to come. Everyday I am trying to push my handcart through it all. I know if we put our faith first we will be blessed and it turn out okay in the long run. We just have to remember to put our trust in the Lord through all our trails. At first it may be hard but He will be there with us through it all. 

My question to you is if you're pushing your handcart hard enough?   

Crazy Times at BYU

Well you guys it's that time of year...finals! AHHHH!! The thought just makes me want to cry. I am pushing through these last couple days of classes but let me tell you it's hard. The other night I pulled an all nighter and did not sleep at all. I am still feeling the side effects. It's a stressful time with final papers and last minute projects in my classes but I'm keep my head up high. Two weeks from today I will be done with school for this semester! I will be moving into a new apartment which is stressful but not that stressful like school. I have been wanting the end to be near for so long. I just need to push through. I can do this! 

Summer plans you may ask? Well lets see work, work, work and two classes during summer term. Fun I know. I plan to work a lot this summer and save money for the next year school year but most importantly for next summer! Right now Mexico is up in the air but I know that I want to go somewhere next summer. Besides work there are a lot of things I want to do this summer in Utah. There are a couple of trails I want to do such as Mount Timp, the red rocks in St. George and I really want to go to Moab. Although I need to find an adventure buddy. 

Besides working and having fun adventures one thing I hope to get out of the summer

is knowing myself better. This will be the first time I spend a whole summer away from my family. While the majority of the student population at BYU return home for the summer (or go on a mission) I will be here until I see my family for a week in June. I will be doing a lot of things on my own this summer but I'm up for the challenge. 

P.S. I am starting another blog and it's going to be a beauty blog which will have all sorts of fun stuff. So keep an eye out for it! 

Preparing for this weekend

Well it's that time of year again, General Conference! I am excited to hear what the prophets, apostles and church leaders have to say to us this weekend. Each time I listen to  conference I think to myself we are truly blessed to live in a time when the true gospel is fully restored to earth and we have ability where everyone can hear the messages that are inspired. 

In preparation for this weekend I began to listen to talks from the last General Conference. Today while I was cleaning some dishes I opened one of the talks on my phone. Smartphones are quite handy. This morning I listened to the talk by Elder Neil L. Anderson, "Trail of Your Faith." I choose the talk at random but I am so happy I choose it. The talk really comforted me at this time when I am going through a lot. I encourage you to read it if you're going through a difficult time in your life at the moment.

As the week goes on I am going to continue to listen/read a talk a day. And remember as Elder Neil L. Anderson said, "With faith come trials of faith, bringing increased faith."

Lets wrap it up!!

Papers. Finals. Stress. That is what has been on my mind lately. School has been crazy and I just want it to end. I am really looking forward to the end of the semester and the start of summer. I hope this summer will top last summer. Sadly I will be here in Utah still but I don't mind because there are certain things (and people) who make me want to stay here.

I am at that point where I am getting summer excitement/laziness but I have to push through for another 24 days! I can do this. Tell me I can do this. I just need a little encouragement. 

I'm planning to take one class during spring term and it's actually just .5 credits. I need to take private music lessons so I have to do it! It's all good. I actually like to play my instruments and don't see it as a hassle like homework. Band geek for life! 

This spring and summer I'm going to work, work and work. Fun right? I need that money for things, stuff, places and other stuff. The MTC Cafeteria will be so much fun this summer....yeah I will leave it at that. 

Lastly take a look at what I did this weekend! Happy spring everyone! 

Here comes the commotion....

The US Supreme Court is hearing both sides of Prop 8 now. There is a lot of heated conversations on facebook and twitter. I have heard both sides of the argument especially from those very strong politically right Mormons here in Utah. 

So I'm just going to say my opinion. It's my blog so I can say whatever I want. I support gay marriage. If someone loves a person and wants to be have their relationship legal as in marriage, it's their choice. It's not my choice who they want to spend their life with. I will deal with my own love life (if I had one ha) and they can deal with theirs. I don't want to take away a person's right just because of their sexual orientation. Oh and they should be respected in the same manner as you want to be respected. In the end it's their life and their decisions, not mine. I will just butt out.   

I know not many people will agree with me but it's a time where issues are difficult to understand and side with. I am still seeing where I land on some issues.  

As for me I am not just seeking marriage in my future but a celestial marriage. I see there are two marriages in our world today (from an LDS perspective), civil and celestial marriages. I know in some countries members of the church have to be married civilly before they have a temple marriage/sealing/celestial marriage. A celestial marriage is ordained by God and is done in the House of the Lord through Priesthood power. A civil marriage is done by a person who is licensed to do so. Hey you can go downtown and just get married if you want or go to Vegas.  

For me I know what I need to do to attain a celestial marriage and that is my own personal life. As for someone else's life that is for them to deal with. 

Marriage to some people means a union or legal contract between a man and women who are then husband and wife. Other people see marriage as a legal contract between two people who are committed to each other. I for one see it as civil marriage and celestial marriage. One is ordained by God. The other is done by man. 

But hey that is my opinion and beliefs. You might believe something different and this is totally fine. We are entitled to our own opinion. 

My Encounter with the Humanities

I remember vividly the day when I did not see music the same way but I saw music as way to tell a story and I was the story teller. My band director handed out a new piece of music we will play at our last band concert of the year, all I saw were notes on a piece of paper that did not seem hard to play but I was wrong. The piece was entitled An American Elegy by Frank Ticheli and it would forever change my life.

Before I came across the piece during my sophomore year of high school I saw music as just notes on manuscript and me as just a musician who played what they saw on the page. Sadly I had been playing music this way for over eight years and looked over music’s true meaning. When it came to rehearse An American Elegy our band director discussed with us the piece’s meaning and purpose, it was to honor those who lost their lives and survived Columbine. More remarkable that I saw was we were playing on the 10th anniversary of the tragic shooting. The country was remembering a time when lives were lost and saved.

As I began to really look at the music I did not see notes anymore I saw hope, courage and strength. I remember I wasn’t looking forward to the piece because I was playing their clarinet and was not expecting to have any important parts and because it was a small band I was the only one playing the part. As we continued to rehearse the piece every day I noticed I did have an important part where I was playing and it was up to me to keep the emotion of the piece to keep flowing. I began to connect with the music and I felt what the composer was trying to say.


Ticheli wrote the piece in memory who lost their lives in a tradgey and honor those who survived for their strength. I realized what the music said. It told a story and I was the storyteller. As a musician it was my responsibility to describe what the composer wrote to the audience.

The day came for the concert. I felt ready to tell the room full of people what Ticheli wanted to say about of the tragic incident. As my band director lifted up his hand I knew it was time to connect one last time to the piece. The low instruments started the band off, the emotion began to build, one by one each section came in and then we were off to an ever changing moment. The clarinets were in unison, one with another revealing the strength those high school students had ten years prior. The brass expressed the courage the students and teachers had. The band together told the audience the faith that was present at Columbine that April day. Each instrument and musician sounded as one expressing Ticheli’s feelings. The flute, clarinet, horn and euphonium express the unity within the community of Columbine high school. Then the Columbine’s Alma Mater began to play and the tension grew and my emotions where going in different directions. Then in a distance a trumpet is heard playing, a heroic trumpet. At that moment I felt hope and I couldn’t contain myself. It was probably the first time I cried at the band concert. Never before had I saw or heard music in such a matter. There was never a time before where I piece of music made me feel as An American Elegy did. At the end of the piece I felt as though I gave all I had to this piece of music. There weren’t that many notes or hard phrases in the piece but it was the most difficult piece I had ever played because I took the time to look at as a story with emotion and not just notes on a piece of paper.

After that day I didn’t see myself in the same way anymore and I didn’t see music in the same way either. Music is not simply notes on a piece of paper with musical notions that the composer randomly put it. Music is a way for the composer to reveal a thought, emotions or a story. As a musician it was my responsibility to express what he author intended. After performing An American Elegy I never said a piece of music the same way. When new music was handed out to me I took the time to listen to recordings and really understand what the composer intended. Every piece of music as an intention. Four years later I still feel moved when I hear An American Elegy and I still get chills when I hear it. To this day I see every piece of music as a story. When I sing a hymn at church I try to connect with author and their message. When I get handed a new piece of music in band I listen and feel to understand what I need to express. Music is not just different notes and pitches mixed together but an expression of inner feelings and emotions that need to be told.

**This was a paper I wrote for one of my classes and thought I would share it. I hope you have had something change your lives like this song did for me. Maybe it wasn't a song. Maybe it was a poem, an art piece, a film or literature. I hope you reflect upon how the humanities have influenced your life. I am deeply grateful to have had the opportunity to perform this piece.

Going on 20, young, and free

So recently I have been thinking a lot about what I want to do in the coming years. First I was like museum work but now I am leaning more to education. I know I am not expected to know exactly what I want to do now. I am barley going to turn 20 and I still have no clue where I will be in 5 years. But after much thinking and pondering I have come to the conclusion to become an educator. I have always wanted to be a teacher but always put it to the side. Now I am going to pursue it. I'm not going to change my major which is currently American Studies but I am going to try to explore more classes that deal with child development and education. I want to then go off to graduate school and receive a masters in teaching. These ideas have come to mind all at once. I don't know exactly where I would be going to graduate school yet but I think I have an idea of what I want to do after graduation. I'm going to do this. I know I can. I just have to have faith that it would work out in the end. President Gordon B. Hinckley once said, "“It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It all works out in the end. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers.” 

New Month!

It's officially March and in 18 days it will be Spring. I don't that Utah will catch up through. The weather here can be pretty crazy at times. I just want it to be warm enough to wear shorts and flip flops. On the bright side I am half way through the semester. I want it to be my break!!! 

I know I haven't blogged in a while but I have been busy. I'm working on a special post that will be up hopefully in the next couple of weeks. Although I do want to post something that I have recently written a paper on. Maybe tomorrow I will post it Anyways. I am off to get ready for bed. Buenas noches my friend.  

Some Thoughts

Lately I have been thinking a lot about the future. I am planning to graduate college in two years. That means in two years I will be going out in the real world and living a different life. It's kinda hitting me that I need to figure out what career I am going to pursue. This time four years ago I wasn't thinking about a job or life after college. I'm scared to be honest about the future. Although I am happy I am graduating within 4 years. Some people do an average of 5 years for their undergrad. Some thoughts that have been running my mind has been will I have job when I graduate? Where will I live? Will I be married? Will I regret some things I did or did not do in college? Those are some things that have been running through my head the past days. One thing for sure I am going to pursue my dream no matter what they may be and I am not going to let anyone or anything get in my way. Someone has already tried to stop my dreams and I had to let go but I'm not afraid to do it again. 

Defining a Generation

Recently I have started watching Gossip Girl on Netflix. The more I watch of it the more I realize that is defines my years in high school. Sounds silly right? Well first of all the life that is portrayed in the show is not the life I had in high school or now or ever will. It's more like what was in style, the music during my freshman year and what ideas where going around during high school at the time. It's weird how a show, movie, song or trend could say so much about the time you experienced in those so called wonderful years of high school. It's been almost two years since I have left the halls of McKay and almost tow years since I was happy that I have been gone. Now that I am in college I'm wondering show, movie or trend will define my college years. What ideas will influence my thinking and actions. In high school the idea having someone close to me was the thing. Maybe that's why I longed to have a guy next to me. Now realize that a boy isn't everything. A boy doesn't define you but rather distract you at times. Lets just say I have been learning. Okay back to Gossip Girl defining my generation....so the show started my freshman year of high school and for some reason I never followed it. I remember watching the first episode but I guess I had better things to do. Freshman year....dang that's a long time ago...that's six years ago. Oh crap six years ago I was 14. Oh crap this year I'm going to be 20. Okay getting off the subject. Point is that Gossip Girl as silly as it is has a lot of aspects of my early high school years that I have seen so far. In the episode I just finished watching the show ended with the song Apologize by One Republic. I remember freshman year that was a big hit. I remember at a pep assembly the dance team did a routine to it. I remember listening it on the radio nonstop. I remember having it on ipod. Now where is it? Is it the song we skip when it comes on shuffle. The song we ignore when it comes on the radio. Do we ignore little things from our past so often? Sure it's one song but what other things like goals, aspirations, or even friends. I have been thinking a lot about freshman year now. I am going to be honest freshman year was the worst years of high school. I was figuring who were my friends and who I was. It was a year of discovering new things and not to mention a new school. But hey I survived. I'm in college now! There were things I wish I did and did not do freshman year. Oh thinking about the past. Okay enough of this I need to sleep. So goodnight my loves. As Gossip Girl would say.....you know you love me xoxo Gossip Girl.  

Recently....

So what has been going on in my life lately? School, tests, work and not feeling myself. Lately I have been dwelling in the past and it has just gotten me down. I hate this feeling! What am I suppose to do? I have been caught up in the way things use to be that I haven't been able to think positive about the future. I decided that I'm going to make some changes in my life. 

First thing first. Look forward. If today happens to be a great day and toward tomorrow and good things that could happen and make those good things happen. Don't dwell on the negative things today because tomorrow you can't enjoy the good things. I rather optimistic about tomorrow, next week, next month or even next year. Many good things are in store for me but they are going to a while. 

Second, feel confident. I'm going to attack each day with confidence that will even scare me. I'm going to get through those bad days as if they were a piece of cake. When I have test, I'm going to enter that testing center like I own it and come out as if I made that test cry. 

Thirdly, take chances. One thing about me is that I get scared when taking risks. I have to cut that crap out. I have to not be afraid of trying new things or talking new people. Who knows maybe taking chances will take me places one day. 

Wish me luck on my new approach in life. I can't let one test, one bad event or a stressful day get in my way of being happy. Just have to take one day at a time. 

New Year, New Semester, New Me?

I have been a horrible blogger. I have not blogged in weeks and so much has happened! I got back to Utah, started the semester, started a new job, and I'm trying to change some habits. You can say I have been busy. 

Winter semester started out with really cold weather here in Provo. When I go back to Utah my windshield wipers were frozen. I felt like I was a walking popsicle. Over the past couple of weeks I have been trying to survive school, work and my so called life. It has been filled with endless nights, ice cream stains, confused feelings, and one missed class. 

Work you may ask? Yes I finally got a job this semester! You can say that I'm lunch lady which is the truth. I work at the Missionary Training Center just down a ways down from school. At first I was like this is going to "fun" but you know what it's not that bad. I have only slipped one plate, knocked out about 8 paper bowls, almost slipped on just mopped floors (that I mopped!) and dropped pasta sauce on my shoes. Overall I think it's going pretty good. The first day I worked I saw two people I knew which was awkward and really funny. Oh well. 

School? It's school. What else is there to say. I attend classes and bought books that make me cry when I look at the cost. I say I hate one class one day and the next day I say I love it. I ask myself what am I doing with my life but then I think at least I'm trying. There. Enough said. 

New year, new me? Yes you can count on that! So I am on a path to change myself but in a good way! I want to be able to tackle this year with more confidence in myself and be more spontaneous. So far I have tried and failed to get a boys attention but you know what who cares? At least I tried. I bought re lipstick the other day for the first time. I had to remind myself new year, new me. I am working to change my studying habits and stop procrastination. Not to mention doing a little thing called saving money maybe for a summer trip. Last but not least I'm trying to have a healthier lifestyle and yes that means maybe dropping a few pounds. 

Okay my fellow readers I'm off. Remember, new year, new me.   

2012: A Year to Remember

So the year 2012 has come to an end and 2013 has began. I just want to take some time to reflect on the past year. I learned a lot of things, had many experiences, and had major changes in my life. 

Something I learned was to remember who I am. During winter semester I had a low point that I wish to never go through again. At one point I just wanted to give up. Feeling alone in a huge university campus is probably one of the worst feelings. I tried to ignore how I was feeling at first but that didn't work. I began reflecting on who I was and what my purpose was. My purpose at school that is. Those thoughts helped me get through the semester thankfully. 

Another major thing of 2012 was letting go of someone in my life. The time finally came and I realized what I wanted in my future. So what did I learn from that? Heartbreak. Sure it hurts at first but in the end you realize you made the right choice. For a long a time I fooled myself. It took some to learn that but I am thankfully I did. It was probably one of the most painful things of the year but it was the one change which taught me a lot. It taught me I could do hard things. It taught me I can do things alone. It taught me I had strength. But most importantly it reminded me of what I really wanted in my future.

2012 was a year I learned about the power of friendship. I made new friends in the past year and also reconnected with old friends. I spent last summer surrounded by my friends and it was by far the best summer so far. Throughout the year when things went sour in my life my friends were there to help me get through it. Especially when I was away from home. 

I learned to take chances and to hope for the best. Sometimes those chances turned out differently than I expected but I learned to move on. Something that I was scared of before was letting myself do things I have never done and well this year I guess I just let myself to the impossible. 

Now the question is what is going to happen in 2013? I'm looking forward to what this year has in store for me. A lot of things could happen but I'm hoping for the best. There are a lot of things I want to do this year and this time I'm going to take more chances. You know live a little. In 2012 there was "YOLO" but this year I'm going to see it as there's only one 2013. Wish me luck.