Being the Brown Girl Part 2

I walk around campus with my green Columbia backpack trying to dodge oncoming students who are rushing to class. I finally get to class and I take a seat in the middle far right as usual. I get out either my laptop or notebook, eager for the class to start. As students continue to enter the classroom I notice everyone is Caucasian and I'm the only Mexican American. Three years ago I would have felt inferior around my peers based on the color of my skin. Now entering my 5^th year at BYU I don’t see it as a constant struggle but a challenge that I can face everyday because I know who I am.

Two years ago when I wrote Being the Brown Girl I was in a confused state. I honestly did not want to be at BYU that fall semester. During the summer I had fought the idea of leaving BYU and Utah in general. It was a constant battle that hurt. Eventually Heavenly Father told me I needed to stay at BYU despite how I felt about the situation. Things finally turned around, my attitude toward my studies improved, I encountered a new passion and I became more involved in the organizations I associated with. Yes it was still hard being the brown girl. Assumptions were made here and there. Some of my peers still thought I was from Mexico or some other Latin American country. I still felt below compared to other students because I was first generation college student. It’s hard even today. I guess the only thing that kept me going was that I was knowing I had to be here despite what others would say. Someone told me that I shouldn’t have come to BYU but have given the opportunity to someone else who would have appreciated it. News flash, the first generation Latino/Hispanic student challenge is everywhere in this country. I would have faced similar things at any other university. I also never said I didn’t appreciate it. I’m externally thankful for all the challenges I have had to face. It has only made me a stronger person and I know it will help me as I enter the professionally world eventually.

In the past 2 years I have had many opportunities that I think I wouldn’t have had if I left when I wanted to. Who would have even believed that I would be involved in the TMA department and working on shows and not to mention interning with Studio C this past summer? Listening to the Spirit that summer night has blessed in so many ways and I have learned so much because of my decision to stay at BYU. The most important thing I have learned has been accepting myself and knowing that I have purpose. My race has played a big part of this. For a while you can say I was ashamed of my skin color or heritage. It’s hard living in a place where everyone is expected you to be the same. I feel people think being the same religion means we all have to be exactly the same. Well we don’t. We all come from different cultures and backgrounds. We are all different skin tones, have different hair colors and come in different sizes. I have really stood out here at BYU and at first I hated it and now I embrace it. 

I came across this post today on Twitter and it reminded me why I’m here. Why I struggle with being judged and being different. Each one of these posts I can relate too. Especially the following:

I’m here not just for me but also for the past generations and the future generations. That’s what has motived me the most.

I start my last year of college in a less than two weeks. I will most likely be the only brown girl in class again but this time I can take it. I have made it this far and I have not given up. It has taught me how strong I can be in various situations. I have so much to offer to this academic community and I'm not going to let my heritage, skin color, or ethnicity keep me from doing what I know I need to do. Most importantly I know it follow me as I enter the next stage of my life after I graduate (whatever that may be, still deciding). I guess being the brown girl in class has been a good thing.